I'm holding back a feeling, an the thought that this feeling moves my heart terrifies me. I hate feeling because it reminds me of how lonely I feel in moments like this. Moments that feel like my entire world is tumbling down. Then finally I take a deep breath, and my biggest fear comes true a stream of warm tears fall from eyes. My vision is blurred and body shaken. I look at the girl in mirror and that reflection disappears faster than I can close my eyes.
I feel foolish for thinking I should speak on my feelings even partially. I got back to where I was before, just with tears falling like a waterfall this time. No ones ever loved me like that 16 year old boy and I don't think anyone will anytime soon. I realize that deception is very primitive, and escaping it is out of the question. I wish I wasn't susceptible to hurt to disappointment and goodbyes but one day after all my running ill find my home. I know I'm doing the right thing by running a million miles in the other direction now. He won't ever give me what I want and need, it was just all a moment of despair that weakened me to think I could be lovable. Not yet, I'm clearly not ready!
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