Rejection

My biggest fear is rejection, but also a challenge I like to endure. I lost a part of myself early this morning, in tears that laid deep from within.
I lay reckless thinking once again, how devastated my heart feels knowing the knock I eagerly anticipated was no longer coming. Poisoned by my own lies, I retain the tears that so desperately drowned my intact heart. Why do I wish for you with such need? The seed was planted, it grew to a blossom and now slowly dies as it lacks the nurturing of your love and attention. How foolish am I in trying to save what has already died because I fed it so many lies.
My heart aches, my eyes water and my hands shake. So confused by you. I don't need you but I want you, but I do need you but you don't want me. I cringe at the thought of someone else in our space. I'm a mess, the girl in the mirror is such a disgrace. I wish I knew, had at least one clue, to solve this mystery. I'm weaker than a newborn, I'm hurting as if you were dying. Lord save me, I've been abandoned by his body, but haunted by his shadow. I once saw blue, it was only you! Now I see red, and my entire body feels dead.